Mommy Wars

Breastfeeding vs. Formula
Babywearing vs. Stroller
Co-Sleeping vs. Crib
Intact vs. Routine Infant Circumcision

These are the mommy wars and social media is the battleground.

I don't think a day goes by, where I don't see a mommy-war on Facebook or a blog; I do follow several parenting ones so that may be why. Each side of the debate thinks they are right and will do everything they can to prove it. Links will be posted, facts will be shared, stories will be told. Name calling will also take place and make you reminisce a bit about middle school, since the same kind of pettiness and drama is taking place.

Just like anyone else, I have my own beliefs when it comes to parenting. I have my degree in Early Childhood Education and have spent a lot of time researching everything having to do with pregnancy, babies, and kids. I take what I have learned, combine it with some common sense, and raise my child by doing what I think is best. I do believe that some parenting philosophies are healthier than others and will voice my opinion in a debate. However, I do not tear another parent apart for their beliefs.

I get that people are passionate and want to get others to "see the light". What I don't get however, is why women who take part in these mommy-wars think that name calling and making threats are going to convince ANYONE that they are right. Yes, I have looked at someone's reasons to circumcise as being completely ridiculous, but I would never bash that person; if I did, I would only be making myself look like an idiot. Name calling doesn't accomplish anything, unless of course your main purpose is to make another mom cry. How did that help you prove a point on why someone shouldn't vaccinate though? Oh wait, it didn't.

If I get into a debate on something I believe strongly in, I provide reliable resources that I have found. I give real information, with the hopes that the person will start to see the facts to be as compelling as I had. I hope that maybe I can change someone's mind; If not, then oh well. It is not my place to tell someone how to raise their child and frankly, most of these mommy-wars are over things that all have positive and negative sides to them. I would rather take the high road and handle things the mature way. Many people get so turned off by being told what to do and just shut off their ears so they don't have to hear anymore. I would rather keep them listening, so I can get as much information to them as possible and help them make an informed decision.

If you get involved in one of these parenting wars, just think about how you are talking to the opposing side. Do you sound like a 13 year old mean girl? Or do you sound like someone who could be writing a college paper on the topic? Who would you rather listen to while in a heated debate?

I found myself writing this at 10:00 last night. I was compelled to do so, after reading a breastfeeding post that was written by another mommy blogger. At first, I was upset with what she wrote. I decided I didn't like her and that her reasons for not wanting to breastfeed were ridiculous. Then, I started reading the comments that others had written to her. They bashed her. They ripped her apart. They told her they felt sorry for her kids and that she shouldn't have reproduced. These women were the ultimate mean girls of the playground. The blogger however, made such a amazing impression on me and I found my dislike for her quickly turning to admiration. She responded to these other women, with so much grace and dignity. She never once fired back at them with the same negativity that they gave to her. She showed maturity and kindness, while the commenters looked like radical nut jobs.

As I read through the comments, I realized that the blogger had explained the main reason why she didn't like breastfeeding. This was not included in her original post (which btw was posted about a year ago, and became "viral" all of a sudden). What she revealed made so much sense and I respected her so much for opening up like she did, even as people continued to ridicule her. What I saw, was a a strong woman who had overcome some tough things in her life. Instead of getting the support she deserved, she was beaten up over what she wrote a year ago. That is just not acceptable in my opinion.

I wrote something recently about watching what we say to moms when they are in labor. I feel like my message with that story also ties in a bit here. Where is the positivity and support for other moms? Don't we all have it a little rough? Don't we all want to pull our hair out some days? We all have points where we feel stressed because of the kids, our significant others, family, jobs or finances. Why do we feel the need to virtually destroy someone for their thoughts on parenting, especially since we KNOW parenting isn't an easy job? Instead of bullying online, why not be supportive? I just don't see why that is so hard to do?!?

As parents, we would be upset to learn that our kids were being verbally attacked online...and yet so many parents will do the same. We are setting the example for our children. You may say that your child isn't on Facebook and can't read what you wrote. Well, guess what? They will be old enough to "Google" one day and what you posted may pop right up. How will you explain how you called another mom a bitch because she vaccinated her kids? Will you tell your daughter the mom deserved it? What if that same daughter was being bullied online? How could you justify that same behavior then?

If you enter into a parenting debate, state your opinion and support it with facts and stories. Leave the name calling behind. If you don't have anything nice, just keep it to yourself; Plain and simple.

Birth Doesn't' Require Luck

I have a little bit of a pet peeve when it comes to what people say to a mom when she says she is in labor. I know these things are said with good intentions, but when you really look at what these statements imply, it makes it sound like birth is just a game of chance.

"Good Luck!" and "Hopefully everything turns out ok!", are among the phrases I often see.

Why do we need "luck" when we give birth? I didn't feel like I had any odds to beat while I was laboring. I focused on having the birth I wanted and focused on the healthy baby I was sure I would be holding soon. I truly believe that positive thinking goes a long way, and that my positivity helped create my amazing birth. I just can't imagine managing the pressure of my contractions effectively, if I had been worried about everything that could have gone wrong.

I know I haven't posted my entire birth story here yet, but I was faced with a few situations that weren't in my dream birth plan. I decided to roll with the flow, stand firm on what I believed was right for my baby and decided to have the birth I wanted. I believe that I avoided having to use pitocin during my labor, because I decided I wasn't going to need it. Yes, I know this all sounds so tree-hugger, but have you ever realized that people who think positively, seem to have very positive lives? They see the glass as half full and decide to enjoy that half glass, instead of focusing on how things could be.

I didn't tell many people that I was trying to go medication free. I didn't want the opinions of others to affect my positive feelings about my labor and birth. I wanted to be excited to feel the contractions and experience every aspect of birth. I know too many women who have heard "You won't win a trophy for not having an epidural" or "You won't be able to do it without an epidural, it hurts too much". I didn't want someone to tell me what they thought I was capable of. I knew myself and my body and knew what I wanted. It just wasn't anyones business but my own. I just didn't care what anyone else thought and refused to let anyone ruin my excitement.

I also didn't tell anyone that I was being induced. I saw my labor as a special time for just me and my husband to experience. I wanted to focus on myself, and not have the distraction of people calling or texting to see if my son had been born yet. It also helped me avoid hearing statements full of good intentions, but not full of the support they thought they were giving.

Now I want to be clear, I don't judge any women for her choice of how she labors or births her child. It is her body and her choice. It is also her choice to call everyone she knows or post on Facebook that she is in labor. I just ask everyone reading this to think about how they respond when they see the announcement that a mom is in labor. Instead of wishing her luck, congratulate her! Instead of saying you hope everything turns out ok, say "You will do great!". Help that momma be confident in her body and it's ability to birth a baby.

We don't need luck, but your positivity and support is always appreciated.

Kitchen Shelf Makeover

When we moved into the house, the sellers left behind a few things (we told them they could). One of the things they left behind, was a wooden shelf that was above the kitchen window. I liked the idea of having a shelf there, but was not really digging the country looking heart in the center of it.

We have been in the house for a little over three years and I am finally getting around to doing something with the shelf. I personally would rather use what I have and upcycled it a bit, than buy something new. It saves money, and I know that the item isn't sitting in a landfill somewhere or stuck eternally on a thrift store shelf. I knew that I wanted something that mimicked the style of the other wall decor found around our downstairs.

I had the hardest time figuring out what to put over the heart. I didn't want a clock; I am too lazy to change the batteries and time(I am the person who doesn't change the clock in her car. I figure in a few months it will be the right time again). I though about maybe a decorative tile, but I couldn't find the right size or style. I finally found a cute, wooden appliqué...but it was too small. I returned it and bought it again during my trip back to the craft store. I decided to buy an oval wooden plaque and layer it with the wooden appliqué. I was so glad that the shape and size was finally just what I was looking for!

I glued the appliqué to the wooden oval, then painted and distressed it. I sanded down and painted the shelf and also distressed the edges some. I glued the oval over the heart with hot glue and popped the shelf right back onto the wall. The whole project took just a few hours.

I love how the shelf looks! I do have some toying around to do with vase arrangement on the top. I bought most of the vases at the dollar store and craft store. The cost for each one was between .50 and $1.50. The green one was $7 at TJ Max. To make each one unique, I wrapped the vases in twine, using hot glue and Modge Podge. I added ribbon or embellishments to add a bit of color and style.

As much as I love the shelf, it makes me want to refinish our builder grade cabinets. We want to extend our kitchen out a bit and need to find some matching cabinets so we can refinish what we have, instead of spending thousands of dollars on new cabinets. We have to wait until the size and model cabinets show up on Craigslist, Freecycle, or in the Habitat for Humanity store.