Sunday, May 29, 2016

I had that dream again...

(A bit of creative writing, just for fun) 

"I had that dream again." I told my roomate and best friend, Layla.

She stood by the sink of our suburbian town home, washing the frying pan she had used earlier to cook her omelette.   Even completing simple tasks like this, on a Sunday and sans makeup,  She looked like a model; tan skin, long legs, gorgeous dark brown hair, and a face plastic surgeons only dream of being able to recreate.

While I wasn't necessarily plain, I always felt that way standing next to her when we went out.  Layla often told me she would take my bright blue eyes and naturally blonde hair in a heart beat, And While I would agree that those are probably my favorite features, I had to work harder to keep myself at a healthy weight, which these dreams werent helping. 

From early childhood, I had occasionally had a reoccurring dream, which for some reason had been happening a lot more frequently these last few months.  Whenever I awoke from them, I was always in front of the fridge, crying and binge eating things straight from the freezer.  Ice cream, frozen chicken patties, green name it and I had stuffed my face full, while I was asleep.

"Again? I thought I had just bought a box of waffles..." she tried to joke, but quickly stopped once she saw my concerned face,  "Sorry Lace.  Was it still exactly the same or did anything change this time?"

"Same" I sighed

"Lacey, I know you said you didn't want to see a psychologist, but that's the third time this week.  Maybe it would be a good idea to get some help from a professional." Layla advised

"I feel crazy enough as it is...I just can't bring myself to go see a shrink." I explained, for probably the hundredth time this month.

"Seeing a therapist doesn't make you weak;  it means you're strong enough to ask for help and support when you need it.  Honestly, I'm worried about you.  This isn't normal and I'm kind of freaked out from seeing you dead asleep and gnawing on my frozen dinners.  I just think maybe getting a perscription for a sleep aid or finding out why this keeps happening, can help it all stop." Layla had a look of concern on her face.

I know this whole ordeal hadn't been easy on her either, but I wanted to wait it out.  This dream had come and gone ever since I could remember, usually with months in between.  If I gave it enough time, I figured they would disappear again, and my nights would get back to normal.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Enjoy the rain

I think one of the coolest life lessons anyone has ever taught me, is to enjoy getting soaked by the rain.  Anyone else ever savor that?  It is especially rewarding in a summer shower, when it feels like the perfect break from the scorching heat.  

The girl who taught me this was my babysitter, and she was about 16 and I was around 8 years old.  We had been outside playing on the playground, when a quick summer down pour started.  I hid under the slide, trying to stay dry, as I watched her and her friends dance and goof off in the rain.  I thought they were crazy.  After all, aren't we taught to be inside when it rains? 

She coaxed me out at some point and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would fact, it was fun! I don't think I played in the rain again though, until I was 18.  During middle school and high school, I cared what people thought;  girls worried about their hair in the rain, so I pretended to care too and ran for dry cover with the rest of them, while I secretly wanted to dance in it instead.

 As soon as I graduated from high school, I was hired for an administrative position.  I had always been mature for my age, and while going to community college, I held a 40 hour a week "grown up" job in a real estate office.  I had been there about a year, and one particularly slow day (when all the owners were gone...I couldn't have gotten away with this with them there!)  the perfect, soak-you-to-your-bones, rain came. 

 I remember standing by the front desk, watching the rain, and wanting to be out there. I thought back to about 10 years prior and how much fun it had been that day on the playground.  I mentioned that to the receptionist (such a wonderful woman, and mama hen) and the only real estate agent who was left in the office for the day (a guy who was only a few years older than me, but I think he viewed me as a baby still, which looking back, I was).  I think I received more of an eye roll, rather than encouragement...but for some reason I got the nerve to go out there anyways, which was totally out of my usual, "mature" comfort zone.   

I ran out and twirled around for a bit, until I was soaked from head to toe.  Coming back in, I received more eye rolls (especially from the guy...more proof to him that I was a kid I'm sure) and I made my way back to my desk.  I was soaking wet and cold, but it had been so worth that minute of feeling carefree.  It had felt like childhood.

Summer is upon us again.  As I get a little bit older each year, childhood feels further and further away.  In the pouring rain though, I can be 8 again and forget about adulting for a few minutes.  During a storm, when the cashier or stranger makes the comment about how awful the rain is, I get to smile and say I don't mind it.  I know the Magic getting soaked by the rain holds, and I walk back to my car, while the rest of the world seems to run.